Henry Alfred Kissinger is an American politician, diplomat, geopolitical consultant and National Security Advisor under the presidential administrations of Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. As a Jewish refugee who fled Nazi Germany with his family in 1938, he became National Security Advisor in 1969 and U.S. Secretary of State in 1973. For his actions negotiating a ceasefire in Vietnam, Henry Kissinger received the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize. He is considered a pivotal figure in American politics and US foreign policy. That’s all I know of him.
I grew up during presidential administrations that either directly included Henry Kissinger in their cabinets or when he was active and a standard news item for various international political actions that he was involved in. He was just a staple on the landscape of ‘important people’ that I was aware of as part of our background national diplomatic tapestry.
Later, when he dropped out of leading diplomatic efforts and running around the planet on various negotiation missions, he had settled down to write an ongoing series of books that were commendable and were constantly discussed in the news and various international analysis programs. He maintains himself as an intellectual tour de force within the realm of international relations and, without understanding the depth or nuances of his expertise, I recognize his brilliance and admire the guy.
From time to time I would catch glimpses of him during TV interviews and would take casual note of how he was aging. Unavoidably, he was slowly gaining weight, his facial features were exhibiting an increased network of wrinkles, and his speech had slowed a bit and it had deepened somewhat but all of this was all so very expected from anyone entering advanced age. Here was an influential great man who was aging and continuing to contribute his brilliance to the illumination of the never-ending procession of problems and disputes arising in our Nation’s foreign policy and international interactions.
It was just recently that I was perusing a list of podcasts in a sequence of TED lectures and I noticed an interesting presentation by good old Henry. As seems to be the norm with the intelligentsia, their presentations get more convoluted with time. What Henry used to present were talks with titles such as ‘The Domino Theory and the fall of Democratic States in Indochina’ – that were simple, to the point, and which I could understand – but had now been replaced by current podcasts with titles such as “The Finlandization and other hegemonic actions on the Baltic States by Russia viz a viz German construction of Trans-European pipelines” which seemed complex and dealt with some obscure points. Of course, I had some vague idea what a talk like this pertained to, but I thought I’d listen to Henry explain exactly what the heck the topic was really about.
So, I loaded the podcast and began listening. While it was standard Henry with his pleasant German accent, but there was something weird about his voice: “Mein Observation iz Wraaak *crubut* politica*blah* détente reprouche tête-à-tête *…” it was so low! I turned up the volume of my player and I realized that his speech was so low on a decibel scale and of such a low frequency or pitch, that it really shouldn’t have been possible to be perceived normally. Actually, the speech was what audiophiles would call “sub-base” which is below 60 Hz in frequency and it is mostly felt by one’s body instead of what can be processed by the nerves attached to those hair sensors in the rear of the cochlea in our auditory apparatus. In regular music, the bass is usually a background sound that supports other higher frequency notes and gives it a certain timber or fullness that is important for the enjoyment of a musical ensemble of different instruments. But Henry’s speech was different, and I could actually understand his speech with some clarity and a surprising richness in timbre in what he was saying. I really had no idea how this was possible.
I did a search and actually found a reference to Henry and to some others who can produce this vocal effect and how it works. Henry is a passive sub-bass speaker that means he cannot climb significantly above 40 – 60 Hz without effort to a higher note. This effort involves stretching the vocal cords in the nasopharynx so that they vibrate at a higher frequency. At a certain low level of tension, the vocal folds basically flap back and forth at a low frequency and produces a low intensity sound of air flowing through the vocal cords from the lungs via the trachea. While Henry probably clocks in between 20 and 50 Hz, certain singers have been identified as active sub-base speakers such as Willie Nelson and Placido Domingo who can descend at will to this frequency and use it with great effect in their music. Henry, on the other hand, I’m sure feels that he has paid his dues and isn’t going to go out of his way to stretch anything as long as his perfect pitch already makes him perfectly well understood by others.
While this narrow range of verbal frequencies can explain why Henry can be heard at all, it doesn’t explain the fullness of his speech which seems to take a grainy sequence of sound impulses similar to someone gargling and fill them in with some other overlaid auditory track. Now this made me wonder: What kind of ‘auditory track’ is entering in here and from where, to complete the overall perception of Henry’s speech with a certain pleasant richness in pitch? Well, some other links led me to discover the cause for this: There is a phenomenon in another area of physiology that refers to Transverse Colonic Resonance.
Yup, at the lower end of our GI track we have the almighty and troublesome colon which is prominent in any anatomical view of the anterior (front) abdomen which shows the ascending, transverse, and descending colon, all heading towards the end of the GI track which is the posterior terminus leading out of the body, call that what you will. The colon is a major organ for reabsorbing all fluids that were used higher up to digest and absorb nutrients.
The most common ailment turns out to be an increase in fluid reabsorption which causes a disagreeable constipation and supports the sector of our pharmaceutical industry that deals with the development and sale of laxatives. Although not overly elaborated, constipation involving hard, impacted fecal boluses is a major cause of distress in those effected in the general population but is specifically identified as the cause of extreme grumpiness in those members of our senior citizen population who are nonambulatory and are wheelchair bound for long periods of time.
What is known is that the normal fluid environment of the colon is particularly sensitive to external pressure pulses which, in the case of human speech, is due to normal sound waves impinging on the large surface area of the abdominal region. If the incoming pressure pulses are within a certain range, they are transmitted through human tissue and can set up a resonance within the transverse colon (it should be noted that just like with old TV antennas the reception depended on how the antenna was oriented and, similarly, the vertical orientation of the ascending and descending portions of the colon cause these portions to hardly be affected at all) that causes interior fluid to change from a random axial and circumferential motion to a specific flow pattern that is tied to the frequency of the external pressure pulses. This is the basis of resonance. All elastic objects have a series of natural frequencies that are ‘excited’ if they are forced into motion by an external source at one of their natural or fundamental frequencies. This causes these natural vibrations to increase in magnitude at this natural frequency because the energy of the forced excitation adds to the energy of the vibration instead of being damped out at other vibrational frequencies. In this state, there is also the production of overtones which are harmonic or inharmonic depending on whether it is of a frequency that is some multiple of the fundamental frequency. For the human colon, the first natural frequency occurs between 10 and 30 Hz. When the colon is fluid rich, this frequency increases to some 20 to 40 Hz, and it has been found that this invokes a negative feedback loop that tends to decrease absorption of fluid from the colon’s lumen (walls) which changes the natural frequency back to normal, healthy values.
When colonic resonance is established, a pressure pulse at the natural frequency and its overtones are necessarily produced and conducted throughout the body. When this reaches the tissue of the cochlea it is duly converted into sound impulses and transmitted to the auditory center of the brain. This signal, when superposed with the original signal from the vocalizations by Henry, is what boosts his basic signal and adds an overtone that causes a peasant timber to be included in the speech and allows it to be heard in a normal manner. And I wonder if Henry knows that without these effects, his voice would literally sound like someone gargling way in the distance, like at the other end of a long hallway!
Well, my mystery was solved! And, by the way, the podcast was pretty good, Henry was erudite in explaining why Germany was building a pipeline to Russia to expedite oil transfer to fuel their economy which, in turn, benefits Russia in funding their control over other neighboring Baltic Nations. And, most importantly, he sounded really good for a man of his age!
Not long after I downloaded my podcast of Henry, I learned that these recorded talks were becoming increasingly popular with the general population as a source of intellectual enlightenment on a whole spectrum of topics. One area of increased interest in these podcasts I was made aware of really surprised me; this area was nursing homes – of all places – who were setting up regular sessions for their wheelchair bound patrons to listen to pertinent talks given by famous people and were becoming increasingly common. One facility I visited was illuminating. The most favored featured guest were podcasts by none other than the great Henry Kissinger.
These ‘concerts’ where held in large rooms that could accommodate the patrons and their wheelchairs. There was a central area moved close to one of the walls that held a table with electronic playback equipment and a couple of large speakers. As the appointed time approached, the room would slowly fill in a pleasant, orderly fashion by the elderly residents who would slowly propel themselves towards the soundstage, moving by working the grip wheels on the sides of their chairs or by pulling themselves forward using one of their feet on the ground in a scooting manner. Watching from a side entrance, they would have a gentle smile on their faces and would move into position as close to the speakers as possible such they could only be seen from the back, relaxing by the stage. Everyone was surprisingly punctual and by the designated time, would have moved into the room and found an equilibrium spot closer or further away from the electronic player on the table. Everyone seemed to be in a great relaxed mood which, from the few times I had the occasion of visiting a home for the elderly, seemed impossible. In these past visits, I recalled a pervasive smell of urine and elderly people in chairs arguing about space and crashing into one another in the rooms and hallways using their chairs as bumper cars. This new environment, as I observed it, was not normal. At the scheduled time an orderly or nurse would start the show but saying ‘good evening’ to the crowd and announce what was to be played for the next hour or two. This was a subdued crowd so there were no screams of “Whoop, Whoop” as a Taylor Swift-like artist climbed the stage but instead a nod of appreciation or a smile was given, and that was all the orderly or nurse needed to feel content in their work. Then Henry would take over and begin his lecture. “Thaank yoouu, *crr* tog-nite I veel bee *ark* exploaring da kon-nektion betveeen day-tant in the 70’s whit da diplomatik dialoge of mod-ern *crsk* evants…” The audience was showing a rapt attention to his lecture (which blew me away) and seemed immersed in everything he discussed (which was more attentive than I was in college! What was going on here?).
Watching from the front I could see all their faces. They just looked pleasant and satisfied with the presentation, and it made me strangely happy to see such widespread contentment – I wanted to join them! And then, periodically, I’d notice someone who developed a slight smile or a nod to no one in particular after which they’d start to move their chair out of the circle and move towards the back of the room. It seemed like this was anticipated because no one had positioned themselves too close to lock the person in and gladly made a few movements to allow the other person’s wheelchair to move out of the crowd. That person then followed a slow trajectory to the nearest public restroom off to the sides of the room and disappeared for a while. This repeated periodically during the evening until everyone had at some time visited a restroom and then returned to finish the lecture. What I found out a bit later was that, at the beginning of Henry’s talk, everyone was entering into a traverse colonic resonance, and subconsciously knew that they would be feeling better shortly. What had been discovered was that a colonic resonance was simply the most effective, 100% natural, side-effect free organic Stool Softener in the world! You wouldn’t believe the improvement in mood resulting from the dissipation of GI disturbances by 30 minutes or so of colonic resonance!
Of all of Henry’s academic degrees, awards, accolades, and diplomatic successes as a mover and shaker in international politics, who could have foretold that Henry’s decreasing vocal amplitude yet perfect pitch would anoint him as the world’s most effective stool softener? This ability to benefit the pooping of American seniors is spreading rapidly around the world; I did a search on the popularity of Henry’s podcasts and found a huge list that included Enschede in the Netherlands, Entebbe in Uganda and Arendal in Norway, all cities having huge elderly housing facilities, and were most active in importing diplomatic speeches by Henry Kissinger. So, this thing was quickly gaining global importance.
A final testament to this phenomenon was when it was first formally recognized by Princeton University and now by a number of other accredited institutions the educational value of these group sessions. The patrons of the nursing homes that use exclusively Henry podcasts and who have spent a minimum of three years attending these weekly lectures are now automatically awarded a Baccalaureates Degree in International Studies! This has led to our ‘old people’s homes’ to now house a meaningful percentage of US experts in international affairs and have earned the distinction as foreign political policy academic centers. In fact, there is a Mildred Pearson who is a resident of the Pleasant Meadows Retirement Home in Peoria, Illinois and who has spent the last 9 years attending lectures. She was recently awarded a PhD and has just published an article in the prestigious journal Foreign Affairs with a convoluted title that only Henry could fully understand. Way to go Mildred … and thanks Henry!
